Sand dirt mud

Laying at the beach peaceful and relaxed
Then you go home and what you see is dirt.
Rain makes it worse dirt turns to mud
Mud turns to slime
Slime is nasty and yucky and that's just how I feel
Can someone tell me why I feel this on the inside I hate this can you help me please
I don't even care if you give me a white jacket so I hug my self cause that is where I feel I belong

Ugh

Emotions and pain I feel are hard to describe.
I just know that it's getting harder to hide. It wont go away and never will.
People don't know how i really feel